Remember those lazy rivers at the water park
growing up? You hop on the inter-tube and position yourself just right. Leaning
back, with the sun in your face, you let the current take you. Sure, other kids
were pushing and shoving to move faster along. But I never bothered to push myself forward. I just let it take me.
The current was steady. Predictable. Safe.
I think I viewed life that way. I believed I just needed to float
along. Trust Christ. Go to church. Read my Bible. "The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord."
Sure, there were trials. But nothing long term. Before I stepped into the world
of adoption, I was traveling through life on a lazy river. Comfortable. Safe.
Predictable.
Most of my life had been very predicable. I graduated high
school. I went to
college to be a teacher. I married and after two years of teaching, I became pregnant. Four years later I had
three littles: ages 4, 2, and newborn. My life was good. Well-adjusted. Content. Nice and smooth. My stair-step children were healthy and happy. Serving God in the midst of
dishes, Bible classes, and laundry was what my heart had always wanted. The
days were long, but so was the joy. So, there I was. Being faithful.
And God was too.
Faithful. Trustworthy. Steady. He
made each new step clear and beautiful.
We wanted to add to our family, so in 2013
God pulled our hearts toward adoption. So we began the process in 2014. Little did I know the rapids that were ahead. I found myself on the
raging river of waiting. Oh how the waiting was hard! I clung to my tiny raft of faith and began digging into
Scripture. I found joy and hope from not just reading about Jesus, but knowing
Him. I found the anchor my soul needed.
For fifteen months we waited. Adoption is full of the
unexpected. No certain time frames. Countries change laws. Governments change procedures and forms. Paperwork gets lost. The process stalls,
then charges ahead. All 0f the unknowns would be worth it once we held our daughter.
Right? And surly the unknowns would end once we laid eyes on her. Right?
The moment she was placed in my arms I felt
the relief and joy of having the waiting over. I sighed. This is it, I thought.
I can relax. We have her. She is ours.
That day was the turning point. It was the day my heart
shifted into a new realm. No, I could not relax. Bringing home a daughter with special needs doesn't mean you can
coast through life anymore. And so, with a disillusioned heart and a new baby, we came home.
Life is not a lazy river. Life is not just
sitting back and letting God do His work. These past few months I've come to the conclusion that life
isn't just about hanging on and surviving either. Life is about digging in. Leaning in. Trusting Him. Abiding.
"I am the vine; you are the branches.
Whoever abides in me
and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do
nothing." - John 15:5
Bringing home a child who has experienced
such painful loss can be overwhelming. Some days the therapies, doctor's appointments, and life in
general makes the abiding hard. I have to cling to God through these times. Not just what I know
about Him, but pour myself in His Word and really get to know Him. I read His
word. I write the lessons I'm learning. I pray. I cry and pray some more.
I try to see Jesus in it all. He is, you know. In it all. Through it all. Sustaining it all.
Doing it all. I've learned that I don't have to do it all. In fact, fixing the
situation is not my job. Resting in Him is my job.
For thus said the Lord God, the Holy One of
Israel,
“In returning and rest you shall be
saved;
in
quietness and in trust shall be your strength.”
But you were unwilling - Isaiah 30:15
God is making the broken pieces of my life
beautiful. Not because all
of the pieces fit together. No, the pieces of my heart are still very much broken. They are scattered all
over the floor and sometimes I can’t make sense of my life anymore. No, God is making it
beautiful because I am leaning in. Resting. Abiding. Relaxing. My circumstances will never be calm or stable. That’s O.K. Life is like that. But let me tell you
what is calm and stable: Truth. His truth. The truth of God's Word. Truth is the only thing filling me up and making me whole again.
"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." - Matthew 11:28
God is calling for all of us to come and
rest. My passion is
to draw women into His Word. I have a desire to instill in other women,
especially those in the adoption community, to draw closer to Jesus through the
study of His Word and prayer. It is through knowing Him and His Truth that resting and abiding
happens.
Each morning we have the opportunity to live
fresh in the abiding and resting. Resting in His love. Resting in His mercy.
Resting in His faithfulness. He is faithful, dear friend. He has always been faithful.
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
his
mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great
is your faithfulness.
“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
“therefore I will hope in him.”
The Lord is good to those who wait for him,
to
the soul who seeks him.
It
is good that one should wait quietly
for
the salvation of the Lord. - Lamentations 2:22-26
The secret to a happy life isn't in the doing
or resting. It is the balancing of both.
Author Bio
Life with
small children can be a lot of work. With the work comes joy. Sarah is married to her wonderful
husband. Together they have four beautiful children. Jack is seven, Titus is
five, and their two girls, Emmalia and Liana are three and two.
Liana joined
the family in 2015 via international adoption. During her season of
waiting, Sarah found hope and joy - not in circumstances - but in
God. His Word became the light for her path. “Abiding in Grace” provides hope
and healing for women who are experiencing a season of waiting.
As a wife,
mother, writer, and an active member in her church, Sarah has found the secret
to working mightily for the Lord is resting completely in His grace. His faithfulness is the theme of her story. Sarah desires to
encourage all women to seek after God through the study of His Word.
(This
post was written by Sarah Frazer as a part of the Our Heart's
Song Blog Series this month. I encourage you to read her story and check out
her website. This is one of the many incredible women
that I had the privilege to meet at the SheSpeaks Conference I attended in July.)
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